Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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