Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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