My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
