Someone shit on the floor
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
