god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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