Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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