she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
