I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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