Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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