Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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