Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
