What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
