just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
