oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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