I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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