I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
