we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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