wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
