i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
