Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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