I am in a vortex of obligation.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
