like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
