One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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