I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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