We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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