It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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