I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
