I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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