he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
