You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
