I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
