She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
