she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
