I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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