you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The struggles of a small town man whore
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
