I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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