Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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