the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
