it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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