It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
