he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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