Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
