my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
