Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
