some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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