I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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