college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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