Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
