Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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