i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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