I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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